


My Rotting Bones Will Sing What's Engraved Upon My Heart

by CadForTea



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, corrin is the cool lesbian aunt we all want, grave cleric attitude towards death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26730742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadForTea/pseuds/CadForTea
Summary: Soulmarks in all their forms were a gift from the Matron. Eadwulf's mark, a phrase in Common, was a sign that he was destined to leave Blumenthal. Caduceus was the last one of his family to leave the Grove, and when he left he knew he would not come home before he had found his soulmate. *written and published before the confirmation of Caduceus being aroace*
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Eodwulf, Eodwulf & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 25
Kudos: 147





	My Rotting Bones Will Sing What's Engraved Upon My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to flirtygaybrit for correcting all my comma mistakes. You are a treasure!  
> Also a shout-out to the Cadwulf discord server for enabling this.
> 
> Title inspired by the lyrics of "Fair" by The Amazing Devil.

Eadwulf had been born with a promise of leaving Blumenthal behind him. His Words, a blessing from the Matron herself, were in Common rather than Zemnian. There were two other children in the village who had been born with marks in Common, and they had easily become an inseparable trio. The other children picked on them, calling them weird and unusual and telling them that they would never find their soulmates and have their letters turn from red to black.

Astrid refused to let the words define her. Wulf had seen her words once, two lengthy sentences that covered a good part of her shoulder blade. She kept it covered up, however, and Wulf knew better than to ask her, especially as she told everyone that she would make her own way in the world and did not need a soulmate for it.

Bren, the other boy in their group, had something less unique, but his words still seemed different. _About a mile._ The three of them had been speculating about what sort of question it would be the answer to. Astrid and Wulf had agreed it was probably the answer to asking for directions, but Bren said he knew it had to be something different, as he rarely needed to rely on others to know directions.

Eadwulf had it the worst. He only had two words, _For you_ , located on his hip of all places. It was not even a proper sentence. Bren had said it was probably a barmaid, but Astrid had disagreed and said it was more likely a shopkeep that would say those words to him. Eadwulf thought one was just as possible as the other, and he did not have a preference, really. He would just have to live with always being on the watch for the familiar phrase whenever he went to a new shop or an inn.

When his and his friends’ talents were discovered by a mage from the Capital, his parents had encouraged him to go. His mother had kissed his brow as he hesitated at the door, bag in hand. “Rexxentrum is a big city. Your soulmate will probably be there, waiting for you. One day you’ll bring her home to see us and I can tell her all about your embarrassing childhood adventures.”

Eadwulf let his mother dote on him, even if he was supposed to be a big boy now who did not need his mother to hug and kiss him. “I promise I’ll bring whoever it is back to Blumenthal and meet you.”

\---

The four Clay siblings sat at their aunt’s feet, listening to the family story she shared with them. Their parents had been called away to assist with bringing a corpse to the Grove for interment, and it was time for a bedtime story. Colton and Calliope had heard the story before, but knew it was important to stay quiet. Colton sat still, nodding along sternly and trying to look older than he was. Calliope was braiding Caduceus’ hair, making sure he stayed put for the story. Clarabelle, the youngest and smallest of the Clays, was absentmindedly sucking on her sleeve as she listened intently.

“After our family founded the garden, the Raven Queen still could not let us go without a blessing. That is why she still gifts us with marks that will guide us toward the person we are destined to be with. Colton and Calliope, your marks symbolize what is most important to your soulmates. Clarabelle, I know you’re frustrated that you can’t see the color of the sky at times, but that is because that color is the same one as the eyes of your soulmate” Corrin chuckled at Clarabelle’s pout and ruffled her unruly hair. Clarabelle had been pouting a lot lately, lamenting that she could not see the color of certain flowers in the garden.

Corrin turned to the second-youngest of the Clays. She was fond of all her nieces and nephews, but Caduceus always received a little more attention from her. “Caduceus, you’re like me. We have the first words our soulmate will speak directly to us. I was blessed to spend fifty years with my dear Hillah before the Mother called her.”

The next day, Corrin showed Caduceus the grave where Hillah rested. White flowers grew there, and the tea they made was sweet and floral with a hint of berries. Hillah had spoken Common, the same language that Caduceus’s words had manifested in. Corrin spoke of the life she had shared with Hillah, a short time compared to how long firbolgs lived, but even such a short time was a gift to be cherished. “She would have loved you, Caduceus. She could be sweet and gentle, but had the soul of a fighter.”

Many seasons later, when Caduceus had been the only one of the Clays left in the Blooming Grove, Caduceus returned to Hillah’s grave almost daily. It was his favorite spot to meditate at. A reminder of his aunt, as well as a promise that one day he would find someone like Hillah to share his life with and make the red letters hidden in his fur turn black in affirmation. Someone whose first words to him would be a simple _Thank you_.

There had been several visitors to the Grove, but no matter how polite Caduceus was, none of those who spoke Common made his words turn color. Many a night Caduceus prayed for guidance to know if he should stay in the Grove, while the forest around him grew sicker and sicker. He had promised his family to stay, but nobody had returned.

One day, a group of adventurers showed up and asked him to help them free their friends from slavers, and Caduceus knew it was time to leave. But before he did, he made sure to visit Hillah’s grave one last time, thanking her for the company and picking a few flowers to bring with him for the road. “Next time, I will bring my own person to meet you. I have a good feeling about this.”

\---

Eadwulf found that Astrid’s attitude toward soulmates matched the one that was instilled in them in their training. After a few years of searching he had stopped actively trying to talk to shopkeepers and pretty barmaids in a desperate hope to have them hand over something accompanied by his Words. Instead, Eadwulf acted like a proper soldier and Volstrucker. A Volstrucker did not need a soulmate. What they needed was to serve the Empire, and personal relationships only hindered missions when you were a weapon directed at the enemies of the Empire.

Yet a part of him refused to let go of the possibility. Eadwulf found that he needed to believe in fate and a soulmate, as it was that hope that made him get up from his bed during his worst days. There was someone out there, intended for him, who would not hate him for what he had become. Someone whose mess matched his.

After Bren had been lost to them, first locked up in the Sanatorium and later escaping it, Eadwulf kept visiting the temple of the Raven Queen. He knew now that he could never fulfill his promise to bring his soulmate to meet his mother, as he had killed her with his own hands, but he could keep the memory of his parents alive through faith.

Seeing Bren—no, Caleb—at the Sanatorium ignited a new hope inside Eadwulf. Caleb had found a new family, and looked better than ever before. There was a flame inside him that Ikithon had not been able to destroy. Eadwulf had not addressed Caleb’s friends directly, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention, but he could feel a curious pull towards them. As he watched the group leave, Eadwulf absentmindedly touched the spot on his hip where his Words were covered by the thick coat.

\---

“I can’t come home, I haven’t found my person and I owe a debt to these people,” Caduceus confessed as he hugged his aunt carefully. They were in Uthodurn, and Caduceus had finally been able to tell his parents and aunt that he was not joining them just yet. Corrin’s hugs were stiffer than before, even if her arms felt familiar in a way that made Caduceus tear up. He had missed his family so much, yet now he was choosing to leave them all behind. “I think I felt a tug that says I am close to finding them.”

“That’s good. It’s your turn to be out in the world, dear one.” Corrin kissed Caduceus’ cheek as she pulled away to get a good look at him. Caduceus could see in her eyes that she was sad to let him go, but proud of him all the same. “When you come home you will have to tell me and Hillah all about your adventures.”

“I promise.” Caduceus gently cradled Corrin’s face in his hands and leaned in so their foreheads touched. It was just like when Corrin had left all those seasons ago, with the difference being that his hands were much rougher and calloused now then back then. “I’m going to miss you and mom and dad and the idiots so much. But I need to do this.”

Caduceus said his goodbyes to his family before joining the Mighty Nein again in the common room. He watched his new family with a fond smile, knowing that they needed him still. There was much left to be accomplished, and someone needed to make sure the Mighty Nein were kept safe and sound, and not blinded by how powerful they had become on their journey together.

\---

Eadwulf had always found formal dinners to be awkward. It was all a specific song and dance that he felt like he was too clumsy to follow. There was always at least a double meaning to every sentence and nobody said what they actually meant during formal dinners. It would have been easier if he was on a mission and could act like someone else, but he was supposed to be himself for this dinner. The dinner that Ikithon had gleefully called a family affair.

Eadwulf did his best not to let a smile betray his inner thoughts while he watched Ikithon be taken by surprise as Caleb’s friends refused to follow the unwritten norms. The blue tiefling girl seemed to know exactly what she did by taking the head of the table opposite of Ikithon, and the halfling woman rushed to take his usual seat even as he pulled out the chair. Eadwulf accepted his fate, going for the other chair but being stopped once again from sitting down as the tall Xhorxhasian woman took that seat. 

Then the tall pink-haired creature, who matched the description Ikithon had given of the cleric Caduceus Clay, stepped in and pulled out the third chair. To Eadwulf’s surprise, he did not sit down immediately and instead motioned for him to take the seat.

“For you.”

Eadwulf nodded, too focused on trying to understand the new rules of the social game Caleb’s friends were playing to immediately notice a small sensation of pain on his hip. “Thank you.”

The large, pink-haired creature smiled at him as if he had hung the moon as he took the seat next to him. Eadwulf swallowed, realising he felt a pull towards him. It was not just attraction, though Clay was definitely attractive in an odd way, but something deeper. Ikithon and Astrid were both focused on Caleb, and Eadwulf seized the opportunity to wordlessly point at his own hip, giving Clay an inquisitive look. Clay nodded, a small gesture that probably was not caught by anyone else and pointed at the same spot on his own hip.

The Matron was probably laughing at him, giving him the oddest of soulmates. He did not understand how he and such a weird creature would be compatible in any way, but he was not one to argue with Fate. A wrecked soul like his needed a pink-haired giant-kin creature with a mischievous streak.

The moment was gone, and Eadwulf was pulled from his musings as Astrid addressed him directly and pulled him into participating in the conversation.

"I have seen some of you at the sanatorium. Seems fate continues to draw us together. Perhaps the Matron has plans for us together yet, huh?" Eadwulf directed his words at Clay. Fate had drawn them together, and only the Matron knew the path they had in front of them. He couldn’t stop himself from giving Clay a grin, as the two of them now shared a secret from everyone else. "And you, what are you?"

His soulmate did not miss a beat as he replied, “Vegetarian, so I hope the meal reflects that.”

Eadwulf had to use all of the training he had undergone as a Volstrucker to keep a straight face and not give anything away, but on the inside he was smiling. His weird soulmate had a sense of humour! If they had not been beneath Ikithon’s watchful gaze, Eadwulf would have kissed him immediately for that comeback.

Beneath the table, Eadwulf felt Clay’s tail wagging in what he could assume was giddiness. Eadwulf wished he could show his emotions in the same way. He felt warm on the inside, knowing that Clay was excited about this even if they were forced to put on a more contained role during dinner.

\---

Caduceus’ tail wagged side to side and he tried his best not to let anyone notice it. His soulmate was sitting next to him at the table, but even he was perceptive enough to understand that it would be a bad thing to talk about it at the table. Caleb had always been very closed off whenever soulmates were discussed, and he could only assume that Eadwulf felt something similar. There would be a time and place to talk about this, and Ikithon’s table was not it.

Yet Caduceus couldn’t let things lie. Caleb was in so much pain because of Ikithon, and the lies Ikithon spoke affected also Eadwulf. Ikithon was a fool who only saw people as pawns and did not care who he hurt for his goals. Caduceus had not been able to protect his soulmate or Caleb from this monster of a man, but he could make sure the mage knew exactly what he thought of him. He finished his tirade politely, even if he knew it would not really soothe over his words.“...And I wish for you, in the future, to find someone who will mourn you when you are gone. Respectfully.”

Both Eadwulf and Astrid looked at him in a mix of horror and awe. It hurt to see that his soulmate did not expect anyone to stand up for him, which only made Caduceus determined to do so in the future.

Jester and Caleb tried to convince Eadwulf and Astrid to stay with them for drinks even as Eadwulf attempted to excuse himself and declined their invitation. Caduceus did not want Eadwulf to think that he was not interested, and offered an open invitation that could give them cover to meet up later as well.

What made Eadwulf pause at the door, however, were Caleb’s words, the suggestion to accompany them for a block or two. He turned toward both his old friend and Caduceus. Caduceus looked Eadwulf in the eyes as he pleaded with him not to flee immediately. “Please.”

Caduceus’ words seemed to work, and Eadwulf turned to Astrid to get her to agree. “We'll walk you beyond the courtyard, yes?”

\---

Eadwulf took a swig from the bottle he kept for moments just like this, hoping to calm his nerves after witnessing his soulmate verbally lash out at his master. He was so proud of him, yet worried about the possible repercussions of such foolhardiness. Clay was much braver than him, not hesitating to protect his friends or soulmate when all Eadwulf had done for a decade was to hope Ikithon forgot about him while Astrid basked in the attention.

They made it to the gate before Eadwulf felt confident enough that Ikithon was not watching them closely to speak to Clay again. He opened the gate as he said, "That was certainly one of the more interesting dinners I've been to. I like you." 

“Thank you, I like you too.” Clay lit up, his tail once again signalling how happy he was and wagged side to side. If they had not been on Ikithon’s grounds, Eadwulf would have definitely hugged him for how adorable he looked in that moment. If they were lucky, there would be more occasions for it. “Don’t let that stuff get to your head. He’s a little… oof.”

Eadwulf laughed in agreement. Clay did not even know half of it yet. “I would be careful not to say things to people like him. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t have if I had to live here, no,” Clay assured him.

“Anyway.” Eadwulf turned away before he would do something hasty that might cause them to get caught before they even had the time to get to know each other properly.

Caleb stopped his retreat, however. “Good spending time.”

Eadwulf couldn’t resist walking over to put his hand on his shoulder, the same way they had used to say goodbye to each other as teenagers. “I’m sure we’ll cross paths again. She keeps bringing us together, and I will make sure we see each other again away from his prying eyes.”

Caleb nodded, and Eadwulf was sure he had picked up on the words that were unsaid. To his surprise, Caleb leaned closer, whispering in Zemnian so only Eadwulf could hear. “I might not have your faith, but the Matron has been kind to me as of late. You were wrong, I did not ask for directions.”

Eadwulf looked at Caleb in disbelief, understanding what his old friend was implying. This was amazing news, albeit dangerous to share with someone who might be on the opposite side. Eadwulf decided to take a leap of fate, and confessed in Zemnian: “I am happy for you, truly. Don’t tell Astrid, but you two were wrong as well.”

Caleb’s eyes widened in surprise, but he only gave a small nod as an answer. When Eadwulf left the Mighty Nein at the gates, he could hear the blue tiefling ask loudly about what Eadwulf had told him to make him smile. Astrid glared at him, impatient to ask about it, but Eadwulf was too happy to care for the moment. She would not understand, and it was too much of a risk to share the news with her.

\---

Caduceus sat on the floor of the garden room that Caleb had created for him in the tower. The familiar smell of his favorite incense filled the room as Caduceus tried to meditate and find a sense of calm, but his mind kept wandering back to what had transpired during dinner. Eadwulf, Caleb’s old friend, was the soulmate he had been looking for and the words hidden under the soft fuzz on his hip had turned black as a sign of their meeting. Meeting him had been nothing like in the scenes in the books Jester had read out loud, nor what Caduceus had imagined back when he was alone in the Grove.

Caduceus was a worrywart at heart, and if Eadwulf was anything like Caleb then there was a lot to worry about. Giving up on trying to meditate, Caduceus instead sent a prayer to the Wildmother to look after Eadwulf. He had mentioned the Matron a few times during the night, and it gave Caduceus hope that he was under her purview as well. But the power of two goddesses was better than one in this case.

Caduceus was getting up from the floor, ready to head for the luxurious firbolg-sized bed when he heard Eadwulf’s voice in his mind in the same way as when Jester sent him a message. Unlike Jester’s bubbly tone and carefree use of words, Eadwulf seemed to have prepared the message carefully beforehand.

_Caduceus. I’m happy we could meet and thankful that the Matron blessed us. I wish to get to know you. Ikithon sees all on grounds._

If his siblings had been there, Caduceus would have been mercilessly teased about how childishly his tail was swishing around. This was already the third time his tail had seemed to grow a mind of its own, but Caduceus was too happy to care. He hurried to answer before the magic ended. _Thank you for the warning, sorry if I caused you problems. I’m happy as well and can’t wait to see you again. Message you tomorrow._

The next morning, Caleb pulled Caduceus aside as they watched the chaos of Jester directing the cats to bring out a breakfast spread rivalling the one in the Lavish Chateau. “Wulf said something last night, and it reminded me of when we were kids. I know what his mark says, and I am happy _for you_. If you need anything, just let me know.”

Caduceus’ ears perked. He had not thought Eadwulf would have told Caleb just yet, but it felt good to have someone else to share the news with and Caleb obviously gave him his blessing. “Thank you. It was unexpected, but these things often are.”

\---

_Epilogue_

“I brought him with me, just like I promised,” Caduceus said, twenty seasons after giving Hillah his promise, as he stood at the grave covered with white flowers, holding his husband’s hand. Eadwulf had said the same words only a few months earlier when they had visited Blumenthal together with Caleb and seen the gravemarkers set up for the families Ikithon had taken from them. That day had been a day of grief and very much unlike this one.

A lot had happened in five years. They had succeeded in keeping their relationship a secret from everyone against all odds, with the exception of Caleb, who had enabled them to sneak around under Ikithon’s nose. The moment Ikithon’s disintegrated ashes scattered on the floor of the laboratorium beneath the Sanatorium, Eadwulf had run over and leapt to embrace Caduceus to the surprise of both Astrid and Caleb’s friends. Until that point, Eadwulf had been acting as an undercover spy and sabotaging Ikithon’s web from the inside. The cover had been almost too perfect, as Caleb had to physically restrain Beau from attacking who she thought had been a hostile aggressor before she realised that Eadwulf and Caduceus were kissing rather than fighting.

“Wulf, meet my aunt’s soulmate Hillah. I never met her in person, but she means a lot to both Corrin and me,” Caduceus said and turned towards his husband. Eadwulf had left his Volstrucker robes and formal wear behind just as he had left his former life, and was wearing simple clothes similar to Caduceus’ own, and a pendant of the Matron as well as one of the Wildmother around his neck. His tattoos were covered by long, loose sleeves, as he still saw them as an unwelcome reminder of the past. 

Eadwulf let go of his husband’s hand, and knelt down to touch the ground. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his hair to keep it out of his face. Caduceus had braided his hair in the morning, but a few strands always seemed to escape it during the day. Eadwulf was not in tune with nature in the same way Caduceus was, but Caduceus had seen him talk to the earth before in a manner similar to those who cultivated the land. But now, he was not directing his words to the earth, but to Hillah. “It’s an honor to finally meet you. This is a wonderful resting place and I am happy I could join this family just like you did before.”

In the distance, the call of a raven could be heard accompanied by the sound of the wind rustling leaves.

Eadwulf looked up and met his husband’s eyes, both of them understanding what their goddesses were telling them. They shared a secret smile, full of love and promise of a better future together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and/or a review if you liked it. Also, if you figured out Caleb's soulmate in this you deserve a pat on the back.


End file.
